One of the first things I asked the group was what they considered to be ‘midlife’. Their replies were fascinating and quite shocked me, their definitions ranged from 35 to 70. I came to the irrational conclusion – well I’m in the menopause I can be excused anything – that midlife isn’t an age ‘thing’. It’s a stage ‘thing’. And the stage can happen at any age. In other words, the definition of midlife isn’t age related at all. It’s about being at a stage or position in life where you feel all the attributes of ‘midlife’. Is this making ANY sense?
Most commonly midlife is used alongside that other horrendous noun – CRISIS! You know when men allegedly buy red Ferraris and have affairs with busty blondes 20 years their junior and women … hmmm, what do women do in midlife? Answers on a postcard please. I abhor the expression ‘midlife crisis’. Midlife isn’t a crisis at all. It’s an age or a stage in life, defined as midlife by YOU. The owner, the recipient of the gift of midlife. Every day is a gift, a blessing denied of many so let’s celebrate getting to midlife, not see it as some sort of catastrophe, a disaster. It’s quite the reverse. In my book anyway.
Midlife can be an amazing time of blossoming, of adventure, of breaking free. For some that means being brave enough to break out of a dull, monotonous, empty marriage or long term relationship. Dating again perhaps. Or deciding to retire ‘early’ or change careers or begin a journey of self-employment or self-discovery, take up yoga or ‘knitted yoghurt’. For some midlife can be about starting again due to bereavement or as a result of empty nest. Again I will not call it ‘empty nest syndrome’! It’s not a syndrome like some sort of nasty disease. It’s an opportunity for change and growth and opportunity.
So many people, men and women, survive. They live to work. They don’t question or challenge or create. They just exist. Accepting their lot as my dad would say. But to my mind none of us was born to pay bills and die. We were born to live, to embrace each new day, to see it as a blessing, to be grateful, to have fun and to be happy. Too many people continue working in jobs they hate. They feel trapped. They exist in relationships that are soulless and loveless. They live by monotony and routine.
Now I’m not an evangelist but I do believe like the movie title suggests, we should all live a life ‘In Pursuit of Happiness’. Don’t ever settle. Being your own person living your own life. And see that midlife isn’t about winding down to the end of your life. Being ‘over the hill’. Believe that the best is yet to come. Because it is, if you believe it to be and if you chase it. Midlife isn’t all menopause and testosterone it’s about living! And recognising that life isn’t a dress rehearsal. This is it folks. You’re never too old and it’s never too late to be who you want to be or do what you want to do.
Midlife? What midlife? Bring it on I say!
